Remember Your Dream

written by Elizabeth V. Daugherty

Freshman year is like Christmas- newly matriculated students are presented with free t-shirts, freshly run syllabi, and endless high-energy orientations meant to infuse them with school spirit and get them excited about what’s to come. Everything is merry and happy and new friends seem to be everywhere. College means endless food. College means fun classes. College means freedom. College means you know nothing.

Everything changes once the midterm season begins, and as time progresses, it is so easy to slide into the dangerous mindset of “I don’t belong here. How did I even get in? I’m such a failure. I’m never going to amount to anything,” especially if you’re in the premed community, where your GPA is everything and seemingly after every assignment or exam, someone has a breakdown about how their future in medicine has been dashed (you think I’m kidding, but I’m not). After managing to survive the first wave of midterms thanks to an excess of caffeine and more consecutive sleepless nights than anyone should ever experience, you begin to crunch numbers and breath a little, because hey, it’s college and this is much harder than high school!

 

*** (Spring 2015) My chemistry lab partner the week before finals, and yes, this is candid***

Then the second wave of midterms comes around and with it all of the reading, psets, and essays that you got behind on thanks to your cramming for the first wave of midterms. You think you’ve known overwhelming work before- in comparison that was child’s play. This second wave creeps up on you like a fog in the night, enveloping you before you even realize what’s ahold of you. It’s at this moment that you realize that you have to max out the rest of the exams for the semester. It’s at this moment that you look back on your high school years (weren’t they just a couple months ago?) and try to determine what strategies worked then and why they aren’t working now. A perpetual state of anxiety and inferiority follows you wherever you go, particularly when those around you seem to be doing better. From symphony rehearsal to the dining hall, from the research lab to studying in the library, you’re constantly working from a mindset of inferiority, and let me tell you, it affects everything.

 

*** (Spring 2015) Actual end-of-the-year tweet***

 It’s so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture, but really, that’s all that matters in the end; this is not to say that your end-goal may not change, however. One day you may decide that academia is more appealing than clinical work, and there’s nothing wrong with that because that’s not the point. The point is to never forget the dream. You chose to attend the University of XYZ because it was your dream school, or to have a career in monetary analysis, or to devote your life to bettering the availability of clean drinking water in places overseas, or any number of things. It all started with you, though, and no test score, lab practical, essay, or presentation alters that fact one bit. I don’t care what percentage you scored or how your friends Jack and Jill did or even what the average was. It doesn’t matter.

When the going gets really rough, I mean really, really rough (you’ll know when this is), don’t ever think that you’re alone or that your situation is unique. Everyone is struggling in their own way. I graduated as valedictorian of my large high school with a record GPA, and I knew that Hopkins would be hard, but little did I know just how hard it would be, that I would striving for average and having to learn that not being on top doesn’t mean that you’re dumb.

Tldr: Freshmen year is absolutely worth it, but it’s going to be rough. Find your people and don’t forget the reason why you’re there.

*** (Fall 2015) Some of my closest friends :D ***