College Decisions: Expectation vs. Reality

By: Hannah McKolay

Hannah (far left) and some of her AXO sisters

In 2012 I was awarded a Joyce Ivy Scholarship as a high school sophomore and attended a top tier institution for a semester. While on campus I fell head over heels in love. The rigorous and competitive academic environment, the people, and the overall ambiance of the east coast lifestyle drew me in and touched my soul in a harmonic and blissful way I had never knew possible.

I was already an exceptional student, but after my experience I made every possible motion to be the most competitive applicant I could be. I graduated with over 35 honors, a 4.3 gpa on a 4.0 scale (extra credit), countless extracurricular activities including four years as a varsity athlete, a peer mentor of a cognitively impaired student, on a world champion robotics team (for which I won a presidential award), student congress, and 3 part time jobs- one of which was working as a volunteer at a local humane society. In addition, I had extremely high test scores and letters of recommendation. I spent weeks googling admissions criteria, months writing and rewriting my essays and personal statements, and come senior year I was completely confident that I met all admissions standards I needed to. Come senior year, I thought I was set.

Now believe it or not, I’m not just writing this post this to brag. I was (still am) an exceptional student, but what I didn’t fully realize at the time of my application submissions was that everyone is an exceptional student when applying to ivy league or equivalent intuitions.

As the year progressed, I became more and more distressed. With each letter of denial or notification of waitlist status, my heart broke a little bit. Come April, I finally was forced to face the realization that I didn’t get into any of my top schools.

I was genuinely heartbroken. That may sound silly to some of you, but think of my application process as a relationship. I had given all that I could give, been everything I thought I needed to be, and I just wasn’t good enough. My first true heartbreak. Yeah, I know it sounds nerdy, but the emotions were just as real as those felt by the high school sweethearts who were planning their wedding on graduation day and broke up the first month of college. Since then, I’ve been heartbroken in other ways, and I can honestly say it’s the same (bottomless pit inside of you) feeling. In high school, I was focused on books over boys. Academic success was my love, and I felt like it dumped me.

I wish I could say that I was sad for a week and then became immediately optimistic about the schools that I had been accepted to, but no. I went through the full 5 stages of grief. After all, my confidence, enthusiasm, and heart were all shattered to pieces. Getting into one of those institutions was my entire identity, and it was gone. I didn’t know who I was. And then I was mad. Downright pissed off. Who did they think they were? I was perfect.

Devastated and slightly humiliated, I struggled nursing my bruised ego back to health, but as all hearts do, in time mine healed. The admissions statistics are real. Only an extremely small percentage of applicants get accepted. Some students do get in to their top choices, but you also need to understand that most people don’t. If you’re in the majority it’s okay to be upset, but you need to know that it is not your fault. There are thousands of other kids who feel the same disappointment you do. You are not alone. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, but I promise, everything is going to be okay. Just sit down, take a breath, and be grateful.

Late in the summer I received a full scholarship to a college that I had only applied to because I needed a fall back. When I moved into the freshman dorms in August, something I never considered possible happened. I loved it. I wasn’t accepted to my top schools. But who cares? My hard work in high school paid off when I was awarded my scholarship. I was appreciated, and it felt wonderful. Academically, I met my true love. My true love wasn’t the stunning hunk who I admired from a distance, it was the nerdy guy in class that has secretly been in love with me since kindergarten (bringing back my relationship analogy). Everything worked out for the best. My college may not have been my first love, but it was my true love.

Our generation is forced to always think about the future, how to be the most competitive student we can be. Your dreams may not come true in the way you expected them to, but that is the fun of college. You discover parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed. And really, worst case scenario is that you don’t like the school you’re at. So transfer, it’s not a big deal. You’re young. You have a lifetime ahead of you to work, but these are the years where you have the opportunity to grow without any real obligations. Take advantage of that, and just be happy. You are not alone, and everything is going to be okay. So stop stressing, and enjoy your last months of high school. You control your happiness and success, don’t let disappointment stop you from becoming who you want to be. Your dreams will only come true if you let go of preconceived ideas and allow yourself to become the wonderful human you were meant to be.