Applications are in. Now what? A Parent's Perspective

APPLICATIONS ARE IN.  NOW WHAT?  A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE

Tammy Goerger is the parent of a Joyce Ivy Summer Scholar, a long-time educator and co-leader for the Joyce Ivy Minnesota-Dakotas Mentoring Circle. She is the mother of three children who attended Yale, Stanford, and Princeton, and she has a passion for helping students achieve their dreams and aspirations. She has been a resource for students and parents about the application process, financial aid, and scholarships. She enjoys sharing her love for music with others and volunteers as an EMT on her local ambulance squad. She strives to teach her students about the importance of community service, as well as the importance of living with an attitude of gratitude.

If someone would have told me seven years ago that I would be writing for a blog to help other parents understand the application process, I probably would have told them they were crazy.  Seven years later, and three children either in college or having completed college, I’m here to tell you first and foremost, enjoy the ride.  A ride that can provide excitement, fear, disappointment, and elation.

My journey began in 2010 when my firstborn announced to my husband and I that he was going to apply to three Ivy league schools and another elite college.  Coming from a small town and a school system where no one ventures far beyond the state lines, this was earth shaking.  My first thoughts were of excitement, fear, and an overwhelming thought of how in the world we were going to pay for something like that. 

As my son explored the various colleges more in depth, I too learned about the application process and how the financial aid policies work. Although the financial aid programs at these schools seemed almost too good to be true, it wasn’t long before I learned that if he were actually accepted to one of these schools, that we would indeed be able to afford to send him there.  We encouraged him to go ahead and shoot for the stars so to speak.  What we didn’t know is that his newfound dream would eventually become a reality. 

Unsure of what to expect when decision day rolled around on April 1st, we were both disappointed yet pleasantly surprised.  One acceptance, one waitlist and two rejections. Unfortunately, the school he was accepted to was unaffordable and the school where he was waitlisted at was the school that he really wanted to go to, so we encouraged him to stay on the waitlist.  We researched, asked people for advice and finally came to the conclusion that he should write a letter of continued interest to let them know that it was truly his first choice. We understood that getting off the waitlist was a possibility, yet not probable, but he wrote his letter of continued interest and then put it out of his mind.  We encouraged him to fall in love with the state school that he had been accepted to earlier and we assumed that that is where he would end up.  About six weeks later, on Mother’s Day, we were driving in the car when his cell phone rang.  It was an admissions counselor from Yale asking if he was still interested in attending.   If I remember correctly, he said yes without any hesitation and the rest is history.  He graduated from Yale in 2014 with a degree in mathematics and currently works for the university. 

My son’s adventurous spirit encouraged or perhaps inspired my next oldest to dream big.  After all, if big brother could go to Yale, why couldn’t she go somewhere like Stanford, Princeton or Dartmouth.  She set her sights on applying to two Ivy League Schools, Stanford and various schools in the area.  Her experience was a bit different, but one that is worth sharing.

 She decided to apply to Yale EA (early action) to follow in her brother’s footsteps.  In December, she found out that she was deferred which meant that her application would be considered in the regular decision pool of applicants.  She diligently worked on her other applications, submitted them, and put the deferral in the back of her mind.  In early February, she received a letter from one of the Ivy schools that more or less said that they were impressed with her application, and that unless she really messed up, she would be offered admission in April.  We later learned that this letter was called an academic likely letter, which is very rare, but it is a university’s way of letting a student know they will be accepted prior to decision day. The likely letter allows and encourages the students to fall in love with their university which is exactly the affect it had on my daughter.

In her mind, she would be attending this university after graduation and she more or less forgot about her other applications until decision day rolled around.  On April 1^st, she learned that her deferral turned into a rejection, but she wasn’t too disappointed because she still had her admittance to the school she received the likely letter from.  The last decision email she opened was from Stanford.  I remember telling her not to be too disappointed if she wasn’t accepted.  I wanted to be supportive, but also realistic of her chances of being accepted.  I remember the moment when she opened the email.  She never got past the first line of “congratulations”, as she was filled with excitement and disbelief.  She now had a decision to make.  The school she had fallen in love with over the past few months or Stanford.  Things were a bit complicated by the fact that she hadn’t actually visited either of the schools, so she went to the admit days (which I highly recommend), and quickly learned that her first love (the school she received the likely from), was no longer her first choice.  Within five minutes of stepping on the Stanford campus, she knew that that is where she belonged.  She graduated from Stanford in 2016 with a degree in Psychology and currently works at a Prep School in CA. 

My story concludes with my youngest who graduated from high school in 2015.  Her older brother and sister had shattered the barrier or the belief that someone from our small community could not attend schools such as Yale and Stanford and her desire to think outside the box only increased.  We were fortunate to be able to tour some of the schools she was interested in but one in particular, Princeton, caught her eye.  When we were visiting the campus, the tour guide spoke of a program called Bridge Year, or a gap year, in which accepted students apply to spend a year in another country immersed in their culture while doing community service and learning their language.  It was that moment that she set her sights on Princeton.  She decided to apply EA and poured her heart and soul into the application. She prepared her other applications and had them ready to submit in case she was denied acceptance or deferred.   When decision day rolled around in December, she was elated to learn that she was accepted to Princeton. For her, the decision was simple. She would be a Princeton Tiger and would apply to the Bridge Year program. The Bridge Year program only accepts thirty-five students, so I really didn’t think much about her spending a year abroad until she was notified that she was accepted.  It was at that moment that everything became a reality for me.  My youngest was going to be a Princeton Tiger and she would be spending nine months in Salvador, Brazil.  While there, she learned Portuguese, taught English to children in Brazil, fell in love with her host family, and came back more focused and ready to begin her studies at Princeton.  For her, the journey is just beginning and a new chapter is being written.   She is currently a freshman and plans to major in Spanish and Portuguese Studies and she loves being a Princeton Tiger. 

Although my story may seem like a fairy tale to some, each of our children will be successful no matter where they attend college. As decision day approaches, remember that your child will likely receive mixed news that may include acceptances, waitlists, or denials.  Whatever the decisions are, remember that admission decisions do not define your son or daughter.  All of their hard work, accomplishments; past and present, will forever remain a part of who they are and can never be taken away from them.  As with all things in life, it’s what we choose to do with the opportunities that are presented to us and I have a feeling that your son or daughter will do great things wherever life’s journey takes them.  I encourage everyone to embrace their choice as they begin to write the next chapter in their lives.  A chapter which begins with blank pages to be written one page at a time while cherishing each and every moment. 

Finally, if your child is fortunate enough to be accepted to more than one of their top schools, remember it is important to compare financial aid packages before making the final decision.  Most of the time, financial aid packages can be very similar, but there may be times when one is more attractive than the other. Although not all schools will match another schools financial aid package, it may be worth a phone call if finances are a big part of the decision.

I encourage you to check out the other posts that the Joyce Ivy Foundation has available and stay tuned for future posts from a parent’s perspective on various topics that may be informational and beneficial.